Truth

Now I only know the truth,
maybe it's too late after the angryness, sadness and disappointed.
Should anyone blame on this?
Nope, I'll respect what you had decide.
Still... I think you gonna miss something in your life.
Maybe you won't feel the same way.
I guess I'll felt better if I think like this.

FTTS - Fly to the Sky

Today is sunday, and I'm so free to online so I begin to search some video about my favourite- Fany. I'm shocked when I saw the video for their farewell, I can't believe it!! How come they split edy? It happen in May but I only realize now, I'm too slow to know about this....
I'm so sad...I like them since I'm form 3. I like their music, their attitude towards bad things and the most important. They are one of the reason that make me study!!
I like them very much...
I would list down some reason why I like them...
First,
They are handsome, even though Fany had an plactic surgery last year. But still, they are handsone as usually.
2nd,
I like the attitude that they show when they having problems with the old company. They are very tough, I tried to learn to be tough too when I'm facing problem too. They are just like Shinhwa which abuse by their old company. I admire the strength they had to facing such problem.
3rd,
I remember I give up on my study during form 4 because of some reasons. Are them...Are them who make me come back to study and get thru my hard time during form 5. I inspire by the urge to meet with them. What a stupid reason but it's true because I really get back to study.
4th,
They are buff...People who know me always knew that I like buff guy and especially guys with sexy's voice...Ohh...I just cant stop myself to fall in love with their voice.
5th,
They are so cute especially Brian...I like the combination of their group. One is man, and one is cute...
I know that they gonna having good future after their split because people will stricted when they be togather for a long period...
I still love them until now...
Wish them all the best...

路程

“屈指一算，離開家裡到外生活已經7年了。比起很多在外打拼的人，這數字並不算是什麼，但對爸爸來說，這代表我已經離他越來越遠了吧。雖不是太敏銳的人，但每次回家鄉稍加留意，爸爸對我那種憐愛的眼神從來就沒有變過。在他的眼裡，我仿佛看到還是小女孩的自己。

還是小女孩的時候，爸爸每次都會牽著我的小手過馬路、上街去買東西。掌心傳來的除了溫暖，還有讓人安心的力量。極力想要捕抓小時候和爸爸一起牽手的畫面，無奈記憶似乎開始模糊了。依稀記得的就只是牽手的感覺。

長大後，每次回家鄉都有一種淡淡的哀愁。看著爸爸白髮斑駁、臉上皺紋越來越多，心里總會產生莫名的害怕。許久沒有陪著爸爸去逛街，趁著國慶假期陪他到馬六 甲某購物中心添購新衣。假期的商場人潮洶湧，車輛也特別多。過馬路時，爸爸像以前那樣自然的牽起我的手。也許是勾起童年的記憶，特別的快樂，我把爸爸的手 握得更用力，連走帶跳的走過馬路。曾經聽某人提過，人死之前剩下的感覺只有觸感；爸爸牽起我的手，那觸感足以勾起許多的童年畫面。”

看着这一篇文章，才回想到小时候其实很喜欢爸爸。总以为爸爸是个无所谓的人，就是那种就算我考零分，也不会生气的人。长大后才知道，其实这种叫做不在乎。。。只因为我是女儿，不是儿子。。。女儿。。总是个赔钱货呀！

小时候，我觉得我很幸福的，我拥有一切除了金钱。最小的女儿，成绩还算不错，所以待遇的确是不错的。爸爸总是乘姐姐们不注意，悄悄的用脚车载着我出去走走。心情不错的时候，爸爸还会买烧卖跟我一起吃。吃完，爸爸还有我保密，不许说给姐姐听。。。

幸福总是不长久的。在三姐离开后，我真的活得很辛苦。做工、读书、补习、家务、期望。。。一个个把我压得喘不过气。那五年，我很乖。。。真的很乖。我乖不是因为我本身很乖，而是我不希望任何人有机会批评我家。

就算进了中六，连那么一点的学费、生活费，爸爸也会不断的罗索。说什么现在付出的不懂有什么回报。我的压力仿佛回来了，我不想被爸爸那边看不起。中六那段期间真的成长很多，我第一次去接触学业上不一样的朋友。很感谢他们，也很感谢我的屋友。。。他们让我学会该怎么去面对，怎样去释怀。。。但是那时候，我没有现在那么看得开。。。

上了大学，人们的态度真的不一样了。这， 又让我见识到何谓“肤浅”。上大学并不代表着什么，为何人们就是不明白这一点呢？经历了四年的在外生活，我的怨恨少得多了。爸爸也老了，妈妈也老了。。。我还能恨多久呢？现在回家，哪里也不想去了。。。得空就载爸爸到他想去的地方，我没有以前那么多时间来恨、来怨。。。

今世过了就算了吧。。

虚幻

夜里，是幻想吗？
看似近在眼前，我却触碰不了。
才知道，距离是看不到的。
允许自己有个幻想的时段。
一切多美好呀！
多长的时间，多么不愿，
始终只是个虚幻的东西。。。

空虚

这个星期，打了很多通电话。
找了很多人，谈了很多的话。
问了好多人，才知道我的此刻的感觉原来叫做“空虚”。
女孩子真的很奇怪，可以此刻很开心，下一秒却情绪低潮。
星期四那天心情真的很好，星期五的心情却很沉重。
也许是自己想太多了吧。
还是他人太故意了呢?
我不想要想太多，就 随缘吧。。。
人不犯我，我不犯人。

Update

I opened my blog and found out that I left it for whole month.
I've been tried to write a blog about my life but too lazy to write it out.
I decided to write it because today I did something I want to do since last month.
I be honest to my supervisor and tell him my opinion about the communication between the people in my office.
I'm glad that I spoke out everything and didn't have to keep it anymore..
Maybe someone gonna offend after I spoke it out but at least I felt better.
I do think communication is important and I cannot get it why they didn't communication but in fact they knew it's important?
Maybe now I'm too young to understand this thing.
Who's know I'm gonna like that after working at the future.
Now only I realize the different between those who already working and those who are not.
For now, I didn't know this kind of changes is good or bad.
I knew that people always change, we need to face it sooner or later.
I hope when the time has come, I can face it bravely and just being myself...
I do hope so....

红颜知己

我的心。。。
曾心动过。。。

十道问题

1. 任性是对还是错？
2. 爱自由是对是错？
3. 不麻烦他人是好还是不好？
4. 独立是好还是不好？
5. 逞强是好还是不好？
6. 坚强是好还是不好？
7. 放手是好还是不好？
8. 负气是好还是不好？
9. 取舍是好还是不好?
10.束缚是好还是不好？

40 Secrets about Myself

1.) have you ever been asked out?
* Nope T_T

2.) where was your default picture taken?
* Star Hill Gallery

3.) what's your middle name?
*Poh (ba...)

4.) your current relationship status?
* Single

5.) does your crush like you back?
* Yes

6.) what is your current mood?
* Happy

7.) what color of underwear are you wearing?
* cream

8.) what color shirt are you wearing?
* hm..just come out from bathroom...not wearing shirt yet

9.) Missing something?
*Yea...my props group and family and best friend(Guess who?)

10.) if you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
* The truth is we couldn't...

11.) if you must be an animal for one day, what?
* bird

12.) ever had a near death experience?
* Yea..that time went KL with father

13.) something you do a lot?
*Surfting net..eat..slp..

14.) the song stuck in your head?
* 于心有愧-Eason Chan

15.) who did you copy and paste this from?
* No one, I dl it

16.) name someone with the same birthday as you?
* No one I know so far...

17.) when was the last time you cried?
* One month ago i think

18.) have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
* Yes

19.) if you could have one super power what would it be?
* Read other people's thought

20.) what's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
* eyes

21.) what do you usually order from starbucks?
* just been there for once or twice

22.) what's your biggest secret?
* secret...

23.) favorite color?
* red

24.) do you still watch kiddie movies or tv shows?
* sometimes...

25.) what's on your walls?
* My shoulder very pain right now...izit because my bed?

26.) what are you?
* Human

27.) do you speak any other language?
* Mandarin, Malay,English, cantonese

28.) what's your favorite smell?
* my bear bear

29.) Describe your life in one word.
* Unpredictable

30.) have you ever kissed in the rain?
* Nope

31.) what are you thinking about right now?
* When will I finished my task?

33.) what should you be doing?
* work

34.) who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
* MR. X

35.) how often do u talk to God?
* Never have this thought

36.) do you like working in the yard?
* Depends..

37.) if you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
* wong?

38.) do you act differently around the person you like?
* sometimes

39.) what is your natural hair color?
* brown + Black

40.) who was the last person to make you cry?
* Mr. X too

Crazy Ride on 11th July 2009

Crazy ride
from
UM-->SS2-->Ikano Power Station(IKEA)-->Solaris Mont Kiara-->Bukit Damansara-->Bangsar-->UM-->SS2

My Formula

A. No pains + No Tears = Recover
B. No pains + No Tears = Runaway
C. No pains + No Tears = Give Up

Which formula am I right now?
I wonder....

不能做自己

張曼娟：死亡就只是終止了，不能做自己，卻是永遠醒不過來的噩夢。如果不能做自己，哪怕擁有再多別人渴望的東西，也不會滿足；哪怕過令人稱羨的生活，也不會快樂。

原来不能做自己也会令人害怕。。。
真的很怕。。。
一旦不再是自己。。。
活着是为了什么？
取悦别人？配合他人？迁就他人？包容他人？为他人。。。？？？
感觉升学后都不再是自己了。。。
只有与以前的同伴才不需要做他人。。。
这是一种蜕变吗？

Fantastic date!

Last night I have a fantastic night with my friend - Ween Yee.
Can you imagine which both are girls but doing nuts' things? Haha
Yesterday, I work for OT until about 7pm.
I get home about 7.30pm like that la...
Then I quickly take bath then go to Ween Yee house.
Luckily I got Google search the map to go to her's place
I get there before 8pm then start our journey to Mid Valley...
Ween Yee very noisy in the whole journey...Haha
That very fun and make me very very relax...
I told her that's the way to drive in KL area...
She just keep asking me to take care of her safety...
The journey take about 25 Minutes I guess...
I take the wrong way near the Station U..
then we ride go thru the pedestrian so that we can go straight away to MV
We 1st plan to eat at Manhattan(duno spell right or wrong)
but when we saw the price...we straight away go out from the restaurant...
Haha,both act so stupid....
Finally we decide to have our dinner at Kenny Roaster...
After dinner, talk a walk around MV then go home lo~
Funny things is...I forget the exit of motor land at pantai XXX
so we make a turnaround directly at the road then exit it...
Ween Yee cannot tahan the way I ride moto...keep blabing.....haha
We go to Maple to eat again...but on the way at federal highway...
I forgot what I ride is motor...Haha..forget to ride to motor land...
She start to blabing again....
At last , we finally arrive maple safely and having our supper there
We chat a lot and really having fun with the time we spend togather
It makes me forget everything, my tasks, stress...unhappy things....
I get home at 11.45pm...
What a wonderful day~

26-06-09

最近一直在思考、学习。。。
学习着怎样去接受、容纳、包容、及释怀。。
思考着这一切对自己重不重要。。。
与汶瑜谈了很久很久。。。
结论其实是我知道我自己的问题，
可是真的没有办法去实行。。。
即使我知道解决方案。。。
每一天其实在想，是我负气吗？
真的不知道，心很沉。。。
偶尔阅读关于感情篇的散文，
那些感觉又回来了。。。
很想哭。。。
原来压抑自己是这样的。。。
原本在背后微笑的心情，
会突然醒觉。。。
约束自己。。。
是否需要放弃那一切才可以摆脱呢？
我知道放弃后，永远不会再回到生活了。。。
可能我还在挣扎吧？
即舍不得，又想遗弃它。。。
两年的东西这样就可以一瞬间消失。。。
舍得吗。。。？
我不断地问自己。。。

终于

终于，从别人口中认识更多关于你的东西。
终于，我开口谈关于你的东西。
终于，一切结束了。。。
到最后，我祝福你。。。
只是依然有一点是保留的。。。
那就是如果你受伤了，
我依然会心痛。。。
因为你是我的真心朋友。
没有其他的身份。。。
我真心的想你获得幸福、活得快乐。

于心有愧

如果我听歌可眼红
何以待你好偏不懂
自细做过多少美梦
慈悲的伟论
连乞丐喊穷心也痛
竟怕放怀拥抱你
让你露欢容 追悔无用
转眼发现 你失踪

曾听说过 你某夜结婚
未曾露笑容
实在不敢知道我是元凶

大概当初我未懂得顾忌
年少率性害惨你
令人受伤滋味 难保更可悲
这心地再善良终生怎去
向你说对不起

良心有愧 原来随便错手
可毁了人一世
立志助世人脱贫以为
便伟大到像多麼有为
这种刺猬 连谁曾待我好
都可带来伤势
被我害过来接受我跪
是我在制造眼泪居然想救世

就算积储献尽饥荒赤地
而太多债没处理
令人受伤滋味 无更可悲
数一数 我实情不只得你要说句对不起

良心有愧 原来随便错手
可毁了人一世
立志助世人脱贫以为
便伟大到像多麼有为
这种刺猬 连谁曾待我好
都可带来伤势
被我害过来接受我跪
是我在制造眼泪居然想救世

于心有愧 原来随便错手
可毁了人一世
立志助世人脱贫以为
便伟大到像多麼有为
这种刺猬 连谁曾待我好
都可带来伤势
内疚内疚内疚没作为
直到在某年某日我能安息於葬礼

仍想你一家 可到齐

后语：
很喜欢这一首歌。
很有感觉
每一次听这首歌，回忆很多。。。
很怀念，只是不能让自己习惯。
要戒掉这一种习惯。
我想要去看陈奕迅的演唱会。。。
好想去。

信任

信任对我来说很重要。
在我的字典里,信任有两种；
一种是你对我的信任,一种是我对你的信任。
所谓“你对我的信任”，给个例子；
朋友借我车，在意外中发生事故。
朋友打电话给你时是问你“有事吗？”
有时间还会过来探望你的。
那种是他对我的信任。
借车时不是告诉你：
“小心我的车”，而是
“车的状态不太好，小心点”。
再来是所谓的“我对你的信任”；
例子：我向别人借车，那人肯定是我信任的。
为什么我会信任呢？ 因为我知道对方也信任我。
这两个只是例子，我所谓的信任就是这样的。
除了信任，其实还有一个东西存在的。
那就是“依赖”。
感觉上，这两样东西好像会连在一起的。
我很害怕，既不想要依赖别人，也不想要那么信任一个人。
被信任的人拒绝，其实心会痛。
我讨厌那种感觉！
被拒绝的我，不会再依赖了。
很矛盾，这样其实让自己更强，但又渴望有人能被我信任、依赖。
文慧说其实我们等待红绿灯的时候其实也是一种信任。
我们相信每一个人都会遵照规矩，等待着。
但是最近我好像都没有这种心态，常常闯红灯。
当然提前是没有车的时候才那么做啦！
那么是不是意味着，我不信任其他人，其他人也别信任我呢？
玄啊。。。玄啊。。。

09-06-1009

Recently only realize hard to accept things that you don't like or hate. After moving out and before I take back my motocycle, many things happen. I saw many kind of human behavior within this period. Even though I knew that is natural, but still, I can't accept it. Of course people will care about themselves 1st, we cannot tell them not to and who won't? I just want to said that I'm really a bit disappointed about this matter. I thought we really can live like a family, didn't care everything that gonna use or needed in our life...but appearancely, they do care! That make me want to hide myself. I'm not asking the same wages but at least cover it up. Don't let me knew that you actually can do it but you just not willing to do. Too many things come up in my brain lately, make me upsad..Maybe working now so will miss many things. I even put a picture at my room to memorize the day with props group. I really like the feel when all of us working togather, happy, true and honest. That my home when I upsad. I still remember that was a day that I'm doing things alone and I'm chatting with my sis. At last, I'm very mad about her and I hang up the phone..I cried. Really felt warm when he comfort me using his way. Really touch at that moment.
Currently wonder why people can't just tolerance with other? After I try for few time, I decide not to try anymore because that seem like wasting the time to do something that useless. Neither with housemate or friends. Hate to do something that not gonna work. I didn't care and don't want to care anymore, just stay at my world then do whatever I wanted for now. I think this is much more better. Stuborn is a personality which really hard to change. That the conclusion!

小小心情发泄

近来心情很乱，可是就是不知道为何而乱？
不是钱、不是情更不是压力。
它就是很乱，每一天都不安。
跟朋友出街，还是很烦。
朋友嫌弃我罗罗嗦嗦的一直不停喊烦。
其实，隐约觉得应该是自己想太多。
但是感觉从那几次后没变过，
那么应该是真的是这样吧？
现在我答应自己不要去介意，
要学会去接受因为人其实是一直在改变的。
还好，还有做到那么的一点。
我很努力努力的遗忘。
希望实习能让我充实自己的生活，
不想要每天去猜疑了。。。
因为。。。
每次都会很累的。
假装成另一个人面对。。。
那真的很辛苦。

回头

回头很难。。。
回头才看见改变的是什么。。
联系、珍惜、裂缝。。。等等
发现了，也知道了。
也许半夜被梦魇惊吓时，才敢放声大哭。
把一切释放。。。
如今好多了，只是不能再得到的东西。。。
不再勉强，就算了吧。。。
很矛盾的时，每次都如此告诉自己，
当面对是却是另一种方式。
偶尔控制不了的时候，又再想起自己的坚持
就得收回所给的一切。
宁愿现在不开心，也不要以后舍不得。
人是一种奇怪的生物。
习惯是对人最毒的毒。
当一切习惯时，失去的时候会更痛苦。

成长

四岁半　你我到处作乐
结伴到公园之内荡千秋
却发觉　到了八岁过後
我与你每天温书温太久
友好转眼陌生　画报渐变残旧
随着徽章开始生锈
更见彼此之间的缺口

我试过 对过某某信任
更付出一颗血淋淋的心
到最尾　却已变了猜心
猜究竟遭他插过几多针
浪费几多人生 恐怕无能力被吸引
但我始终信忠贞去做人
若我爱过吻过 全程奉献 那就没遗憾

成长假使会换来隔膜 你我更加需要被爱
知识偏更令人冷漠 你我更要看得开
如世界太生疏 疏得彷似地铁跟月台
来让我抱到跌入怀内 确认彼此存在

你与我　当初多麽天真
更在计划於将来谈婚姻
到最尾　拍过太多的拖
更亲眼看到他两个怎麽分
太想得到幸福 偏却被个情字所困
但我始终信忠贞去做人
若我爱过吻过 全程奉献 都不枉我过这一生

成长假使会换来隔膜 你我更加需要被爱
知识偏更令人冷漠 你我更要看得开
如世界太生疏 疏得可泄漏每一滴爱
来让我将每滴爱拾回来

知己失散过 过客有几多
更有勇士最终变做喽罗
更需要一起抵抗 用最天真的心
悠然面对 现实是何其无助

成长假使会换来隔膜 你我更加需要被爱
知识偏更令人冷漠 请你抱我抱到放不开
如世界太生疏 疏得彷似地铁跟月台
来让我抱到跌入怀内 抵抗所有遗害

后语：
用心的话会发现这首歌的歌词很有意思。
我们每一天都在成长着
成长的时候，有朋友陪伴着
其中也会经历失去、背叛、伤心、喜悦、疯狂
我们真的都真的有在付出，
只是并不是每个人都能感觉到。
并不是说每一件事都要给他人知道，
至少要曾经站在他人角度去感受。
成长会经历感情、友情、亲情的变化。
我三种都经历过。
亲情的成长让我更明白社会、
亲人在面对事情时的嘴脸
更明白亲情其实也可以很脆弱。
亲情的考验，让我知道我在感情中寻找的是什么。
感情的成长让我不敢恭维，
只不过所有人都会经历这一阶段吧！
原来感情也是那么复杂的.
我要求不高，可是纯纯的感情难寻啊！
最后是友情。。。
如果说亲情让我成长最多，
那么友情是第二个让我成长的事物。
我的脾气并不好、怕生，也很孤僻。
并不是每一个人都可以接受这样的我。
朋友并不多，能谈心的更寥寥可数。
朋友在我六年级及中四那年的转变，
其实我很受伤，只是自尊心很强。
不属于我的我不勉强留下。
中六的友情让我宛如重获及忆起友情的珍贵及它的真。
真的很感激那年的朋友。
现在做到更绝，合不来的根本不屑了。
志合道同的朋友即让我珍惜，也感激他们。
我再也不是当年害怕得不到友情的小女孩了。
成长固然是必然，也是必要的。
但是。。。
我很害怕，心里的一角其实恨这一种成长。
成长仿佛是一种改变，
生活中看见朋友改变后，
心很痛。
心痛的是我再也触碰不了他。
因为大家都不会在摊开心胸了。
大家的想法都有很大的改变。
很多时候我们都会不到最初，
不能接受的，只能遗忘或逃避吧！
至少想起时，心不会那么痛。
无意中，才发觉其实自己也是成长不少。
心里如果有心结，专家都说要面对它、接受它。
我想在这个阶段，我还是无法接受吧。

我所拥有的

上到来大学，才发现其实我拥有很大的自由。
读中六时，家里从来不过问我的学业、在外面的生活。
我喜欢读什么就读什么，逃课回家妈妈也不会多说两句。
那时候很有分寸，知道怎样不让人担心。
选课的时候，没人要求我读什么，我就自己自由选择我要的科系。
虽然其实妈妈希望我会修读教育的，但是我却一个也没选择到。
进入大学后，认识很多不同背景的朋友。
两年过去了。。。
这段期间，发现原来我没有担心过经济的问题。
看见朋友为钱而烦恼，才了解妈妈说我们其实很幸福。
以前妈妈的年代，每一分一毫都很重要。
一分已经可以是一餐了，才知道自己真的很幸福。
虽然不富有，但是我从来不缺钱用。
在第一年的第二个学期转系，家人也没反对，只要是我要的就好。
朋友之中并不是每一个都是这样，有的是随便选，有的是跟从父母的要求而读书。
原来我可以比他们任性，原来不是每个人都可以那么任性。
很忙很忙的时候，忽略了学业、朋友、亲人，
但是朋友依然在我身边陪伴、读书、做功课。
不是每个人都拥有这些朋友，而我很幸运的。
在我身旁有这些朋友。
压力很大、很内疚的时候，不能再承受了。
有朋友飞到我在身边安慰我，帮我解忧。
有时候我习惯一个人，有时候找朋友一起做我先要做的事。
不是每个人都找到朋友陪伴的。
很多时候我想要做一件事时，会问别人的意见。
别人都会给意见，很多时候都是鼓励我的。
才知道不是每个人在做事情是都是被别人支持的。
有一次驾不属于自己的车，感觉不是那么愉快。
才知道原来朋友的信任是那么重要，也很感激原来他那么信任我。
当别人信任一个人时，什么都可以拿来分享的。
所以别人分享时其实我很开心，我是被信任的。
很多东西在我们的生活，没有比较的时候，
我们不知道其实拥有的比别人多、比别人幸福、比人开心。

大学二年

昨天，大学第二年的最后一张考试。

虽然考不好，但是成绩就随缘吧！

在乎的不只是成绩了。

时间的流失，心情越来越沉重。

看着第一年的照片，与现在的我比较。

差别真的很大，变化真的很多。

一年原来可以让人长大那么多。

一年的光阴让人觉得很厌、很累、好想一个人。

一年里面看到很多东西、学到很多。

有时候回想有些东西，宁愿不要去知道、不要去经历。

那么也许思想才不会那么复杂。

要得到一些东西，就要舍弃、就要耍心机。

耍心机真的不是不会，只是不想而已。

两年来，不能改变的也许就是依然不喜欢面对人群吧！

不是必要，还是不想。

很讨厌适应了，可以有需要改变。

感情第二年也变的复杂，感情原来让人成长得更快。

对于友情、爱情、亲情都有不一样的感触。

很感激信任我的人。

哪一种信任对我来讲是一种肯定。

被人肯定的感觉真的很好。

有些情况才知道，并不是每个人都像你一样的信任我。

感激在我需要的时候在我身边的人。

不是每个人都可以在我需要时出现。

感激包容懒惰的我的人。

很懒惰去上课、做功课、更讨厌读书。

更感激让我成长的人。

这个不知道是恨、讨厌、感激还是喜欢。

有些成长的过程并不如我意，

很难去接受。

不喜欢去接受改变，所以也不能接受别人改变。

当一切都改变的时候，会难过得哭泣。

哭泣的时候更不想让人知道，也不喜欢他人靠近。

告诉自己不能太软弱，只是往往表面是骗人的。

如今开始踏入社会了，更害怕。。。

真的很讨厌分离时刻。

无题

坐在桌前，心怦怦跳

好怕好怕，时间溜走

孤孤单单，面对未来

彷徨无助，踌躇不安

寻找方向，迷失自我

可惜依然，丢三落四

Everyday

Dear Yesterday,

Please don't let me forget about you.
I need my mistakes and my memories of failure
.In order to succeed for Today and Tomorrow.
Show me what I've done so I can do more.
And teach me ways I can visit you,
without staying for too long.

Dear Today,

Refuse to be taken for granted.
And encourage my choice to love you.
Help me to make you beautiful.
So that when you become YesterdayI will remember you Tomorrow.
Dear Tomorrow,Be nothing like Today.
And everything more than Yesterday.
Teach me the value of timeAs I appreciate your arrival.
Because Yesterday and Today both know,
you can never promise to arrive.

.Ryan Conferido.

抱歉

从别人口中才知道原来我写的会令人误会
那一句好像在指责着你
我并不是有意的
那一句只是有感而发
突然坐下来静思
发觉原来人生发生了那么多事
那句只是一个感叹感言
发觉原来我很难接受改变
吴瑜娟说人每天都在改变
所以我们要接受每一天在改变的他
我也常常告诉别人要接受
但我自己却很在意改变
其实只是一个小小的改变
而我的心却没有容纳的地方
依然觉得以前的比较好
依然会与以前的来比较
关于这点
我会检讨自己
再设下目标
我一定要达到这个目标！

梦魇

这夜我梦见你

梦里是愉快的

见到你的一刹那

心跳加速、充满希望

如往常般

充满着欢乐

还有你的体贴

最喜欢的还是你的笑容

微微的一笑

仿佛看见了太阳

但不知为何

心里总是闷闷的

仿佛知道这只是一场梦

潜意识告诉自己

这不是真实的

醒来的刹那

真的很想哭

梦醒仿佛压抑很久

还能感觉到梦中为你狂跳的心

醒来失落感更重

好想再继续寻找周公

无奈现实不允

只好与周公道别

回到现实。

To My Love

I wonder where you are .
And what you've written so far .
Your life story is an enchantment to me
In knowing I will someday be part of it .

You don't know who I am . Or where I am .
It could be a long time before you find out .
These city lights may never shine your way .
Your symphony might lay unwritten;
and your song left silent .
But I will be a blessed man to earn the honor of making you smile .

I'll live for you before you know it .
The sun won't ever set on my virtue .
All I have is enough time to improve myself
And ultimately rival the horizon of your elegance .

These days will inevitably become the past .
And we'll sit and talk about them sometime .
By then, any memories of days when you felt lonely will disperse .
Because you'll know even then, I was out here .
Working hard to somehow . someday . gain the unfailing ability
To promise you happiness before you know it .

You'll be a part of my life before you realize I'm even living .
I have faith that you exist . You're here in my reality somewhere .
And I know I won't be imagining you forever .
You're going to be wonderful .
So I need to be that, too .

I can't paint your picture . Or assemble your image .
Your existence shatters the capacity of my expectations
And I couldn't even compose a fiction beyond your marvel
If I had an infinite power of boundless exaggeration .

You're going to change what I believe in life and love .
And what I believe I love about life .
Regardless of how I prepare, I don't think I'll ever truly be ready
For that first moment your eyes strike me frozen .
Truly, that will be both the defeat and victory of my spirit .

I'll have to find a thousand new ways to express myself .
You'll have me frequently distracted, disoriented, and speechless .
But never regretful to find myself that way .

I used to think that I'd be able to write the most captivating poem about you . After I know you better .

However, once I finally meet you, I doubt I'll write anything .
Because everything about you, will be beautifully unexplainable .

So I'm going to spend my time writing for you now .
Until these words grow to fail in value .
At the mercy of your truth .

.Ryan Conferido.

Maheng Best Dancer- Chee How

马升老人家

无聊短篇

时间渐渐的走远了
我还是对着它
不知道为何
我如今才发现我不能没了它
它令我欢喜让我忧
喜的是它让我大开眼界
找到喜欢的东西
让我更深入的了解
忧的是它让我不能自拔
每天让我沉醉在它的世界
我不能控制自己不去看它
每一天，
它让我发觉新的东西
我要怎么做才能远离它呢？

P/S:它的真面目

About Quest That I Like

Feng's Art Work

RYAN CONFERIDO - "ECHO"



Ryan Conferido - Girl Don't Cry



Ryan Conferido - Memory Rain


Feng's Doves


Week 1: Sudden Death Challenge


Week 2: Fit Test Challenge


Week 3: Britney Spears Challenge


Week 4: Whack Track Challenge


Week 5: Illusion Challenge


Week 6: Battle of the Sexes Challenge


Week 7: Hip-Hop Decathlon and Last Chance Challenge


OrQuestra


Quest Crew Wins Americas Best Dance Crew!

Quest Crew

Recently fall in love with Quest Crew who win the champion of American's Best Dance Crew season 3. Even though I also like the season 1 champion-JabbaWookeeZ, but this crew is totally not the same type compare with season 1. I like whole crew member especially both Ryan i.e. Ryan Feng and Ryan Conferido.
Ryan C. give me very deep impression because he also a contestant of So You Think You Can Dance while Ryan Feng impress me by his skill on dancing (or maybe because he is chinese too..Haha). When I go home last week, I show the competition that I download from the net to my bro, mum and sis. I wish that I can show everyone why I admire them and let other people know them too...wahahaha
Below is some brief introduction of the team.

Why are they called Quest?

They are working together with a community facility by the name of 'Quest Learning Center' located in Artesia, CA . This multi-purpose building is relatively new, only having been built within the year . It serves the general community a great deal by providing tutoring sessions, music lessons, dance classes, social events, and much more .

Because of they ambition to represent and promote the learning center, their group enters competitions and general performances as the name Quest . They are in no way affiliated with the creation of the learning center, nor do they share ownership . They are simply trying to give back to the gracious people who run Quest LC, that have befriended them and have been so kind as to provide them a new base of operation . They are willing to return the favor in any way they can .

What is Quest Learning Center ?

The building itself is composed of several sub-divisions . A wide open ballroom, a dance studio, music store, restaurant, boba cafe, several classrooms and music rooms filled with enough instruments to satiate a school band ! All of these things confined within a two-story edifice that best resembles a college building .

The place is heaven . Especially for people like them, who thrive under music, dance, learning, and FOOD ! It's a complete and utter surprise, as most people would've never believed such a place existed !

What is the mission of the team ?

Their mission is to promote the love of dance and music through the effects of hard work and cooperation . And to provide awareness of the community facility that remains a viable resource of knowledge and growth . They work to retain themselves as a team of soloists . Striving to offer a collaborative performance as a collective merge, yet also having the ability to support each other . Remaining equal in their contributions , and growing together .

Victor Kim
Victor Kim recently graduated from University of California Irvine with a B.A. in Economics. Born and raised in Sacramento, he is a member of the bboy crew Flexible Flav. Aside from dancing, Victor enjoys playing the drums, guitar, singing and graffiti art. With hopes of inspiring and changing the world, he hopes to achieve great things with his brothers and sister on Quest Crew.

Steve Terada
With nearly 30 World Titles and seen on ESPN2 for the past 6 years, Steve (sponsored by Paul Mitchell Systems) is an internationally acclaimed extreme martial artist and iconic “tricker” credited with originating many extreme kicks and tricks used in competitive sport karate and dance events throughout the world today. He has promoted his sport in Europe, Asia, South America, Canada, French Polynesia and throughout the U.S.
Steve has been successful in translating his skills to several other arenas including the dance world. Aside from his performances with Quest, he was also featured in the Black Eyed Pea’s “Pump It” music video. Stunts for movies and TV include blockbusters like “Memoirs of a Geisha, Crank, and Indiana Jones/Crystal Skull where he was honored by SAG as part of the Oscar nominated stunt team. Steve’s TV credits include current episodic shows like My Name is Earl, The Shield, etc. and commercials for Dell and Kelloggs. For those of you who live near L.A., you can see his Hanmi Bank billboard on the corner of Western and Olympic Blvds. He was also featured in the coveted Intel International Multiply Campaign.
Steve is most proud of his work with youth and is currently a representative for Paul Mitchell Systems’ Head For Change campaign, focusing on improving our world and environment one person at a time. He and Paul Mitchell Systems want to get the word out that no matter how small the effort, everyone can make a difference. Whether exhibiting his sport as an alternative to drugs and alcohol in Tahiti or reintroducing Korean youth to their national sport (Tae Kwon Do) in a new and exciting light, Steve has somehow found time in the past to also support the Pediatric AIDS Foundation, D.A.R.E., Muscular Dystrophy, the Children’s Hospital, Kollaboration, and Quest Learning Center.

Ryan Feng

Better known as just Feng, started dancing his freshmen year of college in 2001 with CADC (Chinese Association Dance Crew). In the four years he has worked with CADC, he was captain for one year and a coordinator for another, finishing his career with them in 2005. He was also a founder and former captain of Breed, an OCLA team founded in 2003. Since then, he has been a member of Chill Factor Crew and is presently a member of Quest. He has taught dance all over the US in places such as Seattle, New York, Vegas, Alaska, Detroit and Atlanta. He has performed in such shows as Paris by Night, was a guest performer on So You Think You Can Dance, and was a backup dancer for Rosco Umali in the Asian Excellence Awards. His style is a mixture of his dance upbringing, including stank, isolations, popping and house. Feng gains his inspiration from his teammates, the dancers in the community, and through his love for the arts, namely his passion in photography.

Ryan Conferido
At age 15, Ryan Conferido was introduced to breaking and spent several years battling and practicing with his crew, The City Drifters. 5 years later, at age 20, he decided to explore the realm of choreography dance. Ryan has since been featured as a top 10 finalist in the 1st season of So You Think You Can Dance in 2005. He has since been able to work as an instructor, travelling to locales such as Singapore and Malaysia for featured workshops. Represented by MSA and teaching locally as well, the ideals between him and his closest friends led them to form Quest Crew in October of 2006. Since then, he has worked in music mixing and production alongside his dance career.

"Hok" - Hokuto Konishi

Born in Japan and raised in England, Hok began his dance career with a hip hop background. Rooted in the fundamentals of bboying, popping, locking and hip hop, Hok’s “Original” Dance style was first nationally featured on FOX’s smash hit TV show, “So You Think You Can Dance” where he became one of the top 12 finalists. Using his artistic ability, Hok positions himself as a dancer/choreographer for Quest Crew. He is currently traveling domestically and internationally teaching, performing and choreographing. One of the greatest experiences he took from SYTYCD was performing “The Hummingbird and the Flower,” a piece choreographed by Wade Robson for which they were awarded an Emmy in 2008.

"D-Trix" Dominic Sandoval
Born on Oct. 15th, 1985 in Sacramento, CA, D-Trix accredits the date he started bboying at an 8th grade Valentines Dance on February 28th, 1999.
From 2003-2004 he stopped bboying, but he just couldn’t stay away.Between 2005-2006, he traveled with his world renowned crew Flexible Flav competing and winning competitions in countries such as France, South Korea, Tahiti, Canada and various other places across t
he US. In 2007, he competed in FOX’s So You Think You Can Dance and placed in the top 10. From then on, he began touring the US and Canada, gaining national and international recognition. In 2008, he had the honor of performing in shows such as American Idol Gives back, American Idol Finale, the Ellen Show and SYTYCD Season 4. He also danced for such artists as Donna Summer, Sheila E., Gloria Estefan and many more. During this time, D-Trix also traveled extensively, teaching and making appearances in places such as Nova Scotia, Vancouver, Alaska, Toronto and Australia. D-Trix is glad that his success has allowed him to work with such great choreographers as Doriana Sanchez, Shane Sparks, Mary Murphy, Tyce Dioreo, Wade Robson, Jean Marc Generoux, Melanie and Tony Merideth, Adam Shankman and Mia Michaels.
D-Trix currently represents Flexible Flav, Stepboys Entertainment, and Quest Crew. He hopes that the experience with Quest Crew on Randy Jackson Presents America’s Best Dance Crew will allow Quest Crew to travel together and do what they love best. . . DANCE!

Brian Hirano
Born and raised in the Bay Area, Brian Hirano grew up playing a wide range of competitive sports. At the age of sixteen, music videos and capoeira influenced him to pursue breakdancing. At UC Irvine, Brian Hirano was introduced to hip hop and pop choreography by the dance crew CADC (Chinese Association Dance Crew). Towards the end of his college career, Brian joined the hip hop company Team Boogiezone/Breed where he furthered his training in hip hop dance, working alongside industry professionals. In 2004, he joined another crew composed primarily of breakers and decided to pursue dance as a profession. In 2006, some members branched off to form Quest. Since then, Brian has remained an active member of Quest while working on projects in the dance industry. He has worked with Colby O’Donis ft. Akon, Natasha Bedingfield, Roscoe Umali, Nike Asia Industrials, and was a principal dancer on America’s Got Talent. He has also worked in such films as Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and Ocean’s 13.
Brian wants his dedication to inspire people from all walks of life to believe in themselves and to pursue their passions and dreams. He thanks his family and friends for all their support as well all the people along the way who have inspired him.

Fall 4 You - Secondhand Serenade

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting

Could it be that we have been this way before

I know you don't think that I am trying

I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breatheBecause tonight will be the night

That I will fall for youOver again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended

I always swore to you I'd never fall apart

You always thought that I was stronger

I may have failed but I have loved you from the start

Ohhhh

But hold your breathe

Because tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you

Over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

It's impossible

So breathe in so deep

Breathe me in

I'm yours to keep

And hold on to your words

Cause talk is cheap

And remember me tonight

When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you

Over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you

Over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

You're impossible to find

也许

近来，是我想太多吗？
我们再也回不去从前了。
时常在想，我们是不是其实并不熟。
所以就算现在我们这样相处，
其实并没有不妥。
也许是我太认真，
也许我不会表达我自己，
其实是在乎你的。
我知道我不能再做什么了，
也许这是我应得的。
也许你不知道我感激你。
也许你不觉得怎样。
也许吧！
也许我应该把你当成过客。
那么无论你做什么，
我都不会去在乎了。
我很努力了，告诉自己
“你没资格去要求，他不是你的谁”
只是我还是做不到。
还是需要去遇见你、面对你。
只能不断的告诉自己不要再去在乎了。
不然痛苦的只有自己，
因为你不会懂我的心。
很多的‘也许’，
可是我不会去问、去知道
因为我没那个勇气
不知道就不知道吧！
我不会把它当成遗憾的。
当你想告诉我时，
才告诉我吧！

幸福时刻

第二年的晚宴


马升－因为它，我成长许多

第一年的第一个活动

第一年的晚宴－S1的女生们

与家人的假期

舍不得的人

欢乐时光

傻傻的18岁

室友们

欣镁，你是令我最想说声抱歉的人。

怀念恺欣，怀念第一年的马升。

那么久了，不知到对你是什么感觉了。

被我宠坏的祖毅

疼他，可是不需要说出口的。

谢谢你的包容，常常麻烦你。

啊恒，又一个被我宠坏的。

婧宜－小孩子天真的笑容

碹，我想你。。。

痛苦的避难所

这些时刻，都是我觉得幸福的时刻。

人哪，真的要好好珍惜与人相处的时刻。

人生其实很短暂而已。

我喜欢汶瑜的那句感叹

“你看到幸福着两个字的时候，

会想起什么呢？

当一早起床的时候，

一呼一吸的在我鼻子流动着，

是我觉得最幸福的事！！

因为我还在世上。。

所以幸福其实并不遥远。。 ”
现在，我慢慢的学会珍惜身边的一切。

爱上一个人的7个预兆

ღ爱上一个人的7个预兆ღ


1当你正在忙的时候，却把手机开着，等着他/她的短信……你已经❤上他/她了

2如果你喜欢和他/她两个人单独漫步……你已经❤上他/她了

3当你和他/她在一起时，你会假装不注意他/她，但是当他/她离开你的视线时，你会急着寻找他/她……你已经❤上他/她了

4当他/她受伤或生病时，你会关心他/她，替他/她着急……你已经❤上他/她了

5当他/她和别人要好时，你会感到吃不知其味……
你已经❤上他/她了

6当你看到他/她那甜美的笑时，你的嘴角会扬起一丝得意的笑……你已经❤上他/她了

7当你看到这篇文章时，心里想到某个人……你已经❤上他/她了

渐

渐渐的，把你忘了。

渐渐的，不再想你了。

渐渐的，开始享受拥有的。

渐渐的，学会珍惜身边人。

渐渐的，长大了。

渐渐的，对未来充满憧憬。

渐渐的，感激你。

渐渐的，回到最初。

渐渐的，不再有感觉了。

渐渐的，不知不觉。

渐渐的，你从脑海消失了。

渐渐的， 我清楚自己要的是什么。

QS 3rd Meeting-What a memorable Day

Today I wake up at 7.38am but didn't want to wake up so kept hiding my head under the blanket.
Finally, I wake up at 8.30am since I actually fall asleep at around 4am le! Brush my teeth, wash my face...then having breakfast. The meeting start at 9am.

Bei Shan come before the meeting with Guan Lee and Shu Mei. Bei Shan look very tired and the meeting start at 9am. The battle is on!

The summary of the meeting some we support, some we refuse to accept...Bei Shan really a unique person. The most shocking thing she do is, she ask my opinion about her view on a issues. But before I give her the reponse in second, she already raise her hand and speak out her idea...I was totally shock!!! I felt she is really interesting and funny! Today I saw the other side of her, really impress me. But still both of us weak to deliver our opinion to others...sometimes MSC just ignore us and continue the meeting...so absurd.

The meeting end at 4.35pm I guess. Cause our senior-Mr. Lee Chee How have drive to UKM so he fetch us after the meeting. He bring us to eat satay at Kajang at Restaurant Malaysia. What a unique name! This is the 2nd times I go to the restaurant and have satay there. The satay some taste like the 1st time I ate but some seem like different. But still..very delicios!

After the meal, go to the biggest stationary store at Kajang and buy some pens. We go to Bukit Mewah because we wanna see the night view and today is Earth Hour 2009. We all thought all people will switch off the lights for one hour from 8.30 pm to 9.30 pm. Even we just see the twins-tower who really take action for that, less people support the event.

But this does not affect on us to having a delicios meal, enjoyable drinks and romantic's enviroment of the cafe. We play cards and talking craps...till we start to do some silly actions at the cafe.

We playing 'tortoise' but at 1st we did not decide to punish the person who hold Ace at last. Suddently we all challenge each other and decide to do punishment to the person who hold Ace.
Argg...I do the most embrassing act there!!! Unbelieveble!
All of us are laughing till tears come out and cannot stop for a while...
Hah...Too embrassing until we do a plan about how we gonna leave the cafe.
After we play the last game, we pay the bill and excute the punishment by...and then we quickly leave the cafe ASAP.
Hahaha...wish what is the punishement?
It's a secret!
We all are crazy people, doing the nonsense thing at public...
However, today is a memorable day.
We already plan what we gonna do when we bring other member of Masheng to the place and we name is as CHEE HOW'S GRADUATE WISH PLAN!

Day before QS 3rd meeting

This day is the most busiest day for me. I'm still typing the report for QS meeting at 3am and the most important thing is I had 2 interviews at the morning! I didn't prepare at all! Usually I'll take a look at the company profile, vision, mission and some performance of the company. However, I felt sleepy and I slept at 3++am after finished the report. I plan to wake up at 6am but I couldn't make it so I wake up at 7pm cause my 1st interview is schedule at 9am ( Too early for me la). I wash my intimate as fast as I can and quickly prepare myself.But stil...late a bit for the time that I promise Ting Xuan.

Both of us are so blur...taking taxi till the destination-Sunway Damansara, but we didn't know where the company are. Luckily the person who interview us( Aaron Kwan) call us and give us direction to go to the company. The interview start after we fill up the information that they need. The way he interview us is very unformal because we just like chatting and the conversation is more to sharing about what we had learn, what had been happen in our life, what is our hobby....I'm quite comfortable with the way he do the interview because I won't felt nervous and stress at the moment.

Interview end about half hour I guess and I have to rush for another company cause the 2nd interview is schedule at 11am. Luckily Che How fetch me to Mont Kiara so I didn't late for the interview. This time, the interview session is formal than the 1st interview. But the person in charge didn't ask too much about the skill that I possess because the software that the company use is totally different with what I had learn. He just told me about what is the job scope for an intern and some skill they might needed. But what I think important in this interview, he wants people who have the right attitude but not skills only. He said they willing to teach but condition is the person willing to learn the new things. Yea...I think this is important.It's my luck beacuse he did not ask too much about the company. I had downloaded the company profile but I just roughly read it without understand it very well...

Ting Xuan said I'm too steady cause did not scare at all even did not prepare well. Actually I'm worry about it but what can I do? I have no time to read thru all the info about both company.

I come back to UM about 1pm. Have a nap and wake up at 4pm but still have to continure for the report. After that, I go to Yoga class even the rain is quite heavy. After the class, I rush back to college by papa's car. Take a bath and take all the stuff to lobby. Just simply eat and rush to library meet with Hung Min, Pei Wei and Peng Heng. Tonite we gotta attend QS 3rd meeting at UKM. Wei Jie fetch us ti Mid Valey KTM station and we all reach the destination at 9.30pm. The meeting should start at 8pm but just to wait all the representative of each U, we start later than that.

Finally, the pre-meeting start at 10.30pm and end at about 2.15am. There are some issues we have to discuss and we have to decide what are we stand for each of the issues. So we go to a mamak stall around there with UPM representative. At last, it not a discussion but a chatting moment between us..haha.

But of course we also discuss about the issues and make some dicisions. We go back to the house at 3.20am and finally after a tiring day, I slept at 3.45pm.

Today very lucky because there will be a person showing up when I needed them. Like Che How fetch me to Mont Kiara, papa fetch me go back to college and Wei Jie fetch me go to Mid Valley.

Huh..what a tiring but lucky day for me.